Château and a History of Loss

Chateau in Madrid

Staying at a château adjacent to the Lac Leman, gold trim and chandeliers.

We are having a party, lots of wine, beer, on the TVs are football games. England is playing Portugal, and across the front of the blue and white shirts of the England team is written “DOWNING”. The Portuguese also have a name.

Another crowd, of Americans this time, shows up. I don’t know this crowd, but one of them comes over, points to a TV.

“Who’s playing?”

“Portugal,” I reply.

But he says, “No, it’s Turkey.” And close up, I see he’s right.

I go over to a table to get more alcohol.

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The Hospital and the Swimming Pool Noodle

Hospital

Siobhan and I are at a hospital. We both have a disease. Cancerous? Siobhan has psoriasis, she has it spread across her bare chest and towards her arms and shoulders. You cannot see it on me.

The nurse leads us to a waiting room, more like a shower changing area with a curtain. She tells us to sit on the swimming noodles, one each.

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Alice

Alice in Wonderland

I. Pig

When the woman I was making love to turned into a pig I knew that I had become too cynical. I watched her face fill out, her cheeks lose their definition and her nose turn up at me to form a perfectly cylindrical snout. Her skin became rough. It became pockmarked and covered in fine grey hairs and then her mouth widened and opened up to reveal a coarse and unclean set of teeth. Then her ears retreated, grew longer into sharp points that flopped over like a dog’s ears. And her eyes too lost their shine and their beauty. They contracted and sunk into the skin and they became red and as fired as a madman’s. I watched her and I laughed and cried for atop of this perverse metamorphosis was her hair, untouched by the transformation and spread loosely across the pillow: a wig on the head of a pig… It was the one hope for my salvation.

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Flats, Feet and a Joy Ride

Flats, feet, buses

My white van is carpeted inside with dark blue pile to stop the sounds from the keyboard escaping. It is parked on a street in Camden and I am in the back, squat down and playing, my face close to the keys. Simple sounds, chords in C, then one octave arpeggios, trying not to make the sounds escape the van, or to move… Making sure no one knows I’m there.

People are walking outside going through their daily routines. Then two girls in their twenties open the back of the van. They close the door behind them and lie down next to me.

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